In the Land of the Lawn Weenies and Other Misadventures

As if hot dogs weren't scary enough anyway...

The Power of a Praying^® Woman

Pray, prayer and praying are registered trademarks of Stormie Omartian, Inc. Another fine product from the company that brought you God,^® Heaven^™ and Salvation.^®

Dr. Ruth's Guide to College Life

This is a handy book to have around if you're trying to sway the course of a reluctant teenaged mind toward higher education. Just leave it out where he can espy the title.

Hits/Greatest & Others

This is just phenomenally awkward. Who came up with this title? Why not just call it The Best of Joan Baez?

Suture Self

Fantastically, there are two different books with this title! This has really got me in stitches!

Of Corpse: Death and Humor in Folklore and Popular Culture

Run, Babmi, Run

Though this may sound like yet another direct-to-video Disney film, it is in fact a true-crime book. True-crime books are aimed at readers who enjoy lurid tales of sex and violence but want to appear "high-brow" by reading non-fiction.

Prostate Cancer for Dummies

An interesting alternative to education reform, this book looks at one possible defense against the rising tide of idiocy that threatens to drown our civilization. Though some may find the proposed measures a bit too drastic, they may be just the steps these drastic times are desperately calling out for.

Neanderthin

You should only eat things that can be eaten raw, with no preparation. Also, it will help you keep off the pounds if you have to chase your food for several miles before managing to kill it.

Stranded at Cupid's Hideaway

"Yeah, I guess you can stay here, but only until you get that part for your car. And don't touch any of my archery things."

Knitting with Dog Hair

"Better a sweater from a dog you know and love than from a sheep you'll never meet" and "Stop vacuuming and start knitting!" this book's cover advises. It makes me glad I don't own a dog; if I ever see a book suggesting a method to make clothes from the scales of a pet fish I suspect I'll be violently sick all over it.

Old Gods, Almost Dead

Do you think the Rolling Stones got to approve this title?

Why God Won't Go Away

The time has come. The time is now. Just go. Go, God! I don't care how.

Booty: Girl Pirates on the High Seas

Girls can grow up to be anything they want to be - even pirates!

Treasured Chests

A series of art books featuring scantilly clad female pirates. Why did no one tell me about these sooner? If this was a 2004 calendar I would buy it now.

Next week: fully clothed female pirates.